It is almost impossible to be genuinely grateful for anything, when you compare to others. Today I am going to share with you my thoughts on contentment, and why it is a topic that is currently on my mind.
As I write this now – the stuffy, sticky, hotness of a mid-July afternoon surrounds me. I sit in a house that was built pre-central air conditioning, and long for the ability to flip a switch and make things more comfortable for myself. We have lived here for nearly five years. Five years in a house that I am quick to point out is ‘just a rental.’ Five years in a house that hasn’t ever truly felt like home.
And I will admit, as time has gone on it has become clear that the level of content with our living arrangements has been steadily decreasing. Not only for myself, but for the entire family. Lately, I’ve been asking myself ‘why.’
BEING CONTENT WHILE LOOKING AHEAD
When we first moved into this house, everyone was beyond excited. We had just sold the home we owned – in part, to fund the adoption of our youngest daughter, ‘M.’ Preparing for her arrival, we nested here. Painting walls, fixing sinks, and choosing bed linens. We were looking forward to a happy little future, and our present living condition didn’t seem all that bad. So what has changed? It’s still the same house.
Part of me feels like this mind shift has a lot to do with the ‘new house’ being just beyond the horizon. We are seeing something shiny, and we want to get to it as soon as possible. Our entire family is constantly daydreaming about what is to come. “In the new house we are going to (fill in the blank).” “I can’t wait until we have (fill in the blank) at the new house.”
And although looking ahead is a fun to do, it can also be a bit defeating. Surely, you have heard the phrase:
“Stop missing out on the present because you are focused on the future.”
So, is that it? Is contentment simply being happy with where you are? Never longing for an upgrade, a steadier state or a better future for yourself and your family? No, I don’t think so.
While that is a nice sentiment, I believe it is simply an impossible goal. Because even in the present, there are those people with the last name Jones. And we have an inherent desire to keep up with them.
CONTENTMENT WHILE COMPARING
I recently shared this article from Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist on my Facebook page. Doing so opened up what I feel was a healthy dialoge about what we choose to bring into our lives, and how it affects contentment.
I definitely encourage you to read the piece for yourself, but the cliff note – take away question is simple. What would this world be like if, instead of being embarrassed by the things we own – those things that don’t stack up to what society tells us we need – we were instead embarrassed by how worldly that view really is?
When I linked to the article in my Facebook post, I also made a simple confession. That I too have been the victim of embarrassment by comparison. Most specifically in regards to our old blue mini van. You see, this van has been with us since before we had children. It still runs quite smoothly, but the body is – how do you say – in disrepair. There are times when I pull into a packed parking lot and scan the rows, noticing all too easily that the vehicle I am driving is the odd duck out.
The responses to my confession post were a mixed bag. Half of the people were comforting – letting me know that they too had old vehicles, with many miles, and rust. Solidarity sister! The other half were a tad defensive, and quick to point out why they owned newer vehicles. For safety, reliability, or other reasons.
Everyone experiences jealousy…
Whichever side of the fence that people were on, I think it’s fair to say that everyone who responded to my post has had a similar feeling of jealousy. This day in age it is almost impossible not to play the comparison game. Keeping up with the Joneses has never been so difficult.
Mr. Becker would say, about my van scenario – that instead of being embarrassed about the van itself, be embarrassed at how often the luxury of having a vehicle is taken for granted. That mindset can really turn the tables on the feeling of jealousy, can’t it?
We live in a majorly privileged society. The salary of most Americans would put them in the top 1% of the world’s earners. Compared to the lives of people in other countries, we Americans are down right rich when it comes to worldly goods.
This brought about another question. Should those who have plenty be more content than those with little?
THE ATTITUDE OF CONTENTMENT
As you know, I have somewhat recently begun to embrace the minimalist tendencies I have had my entire life. Not because I think that living with less makes me a better person, or more content. But because, in having fewer things, there is an appreciation of each item unlike anything I have experienced before.
However, in no way is my family living an uncomfortable or deprived life. We have many luxuries that some can only dream of. Our dinner plates have always had a supply of healthy food. We are building a brand new, custom designed house for gosh sake. These circumstances though, could change in an instant.
Focus on the Family offers the definition of contentment that I, as a Christian, agree with most:
“Contentment is knowing God’s plan for your life, having a conviction to live it, and believing that His peace is greater than the world’s problems”
That’s it. Contentment is an attitude, not something that is searched for. If we spent our lives searching for contentment, we would never find it – in part because of comparison, and jealousy, and our human nature to always long for more/better.
In life, there will be good times and bad times. Days of plenty, and days of few. New cars, old cars. New homes, old homes. A full bank account and money worries. Sickness, health. It’s all a possibility. In order to truly be content, we need to harbor an attitude and belief that we are walking the path we are meant to walk, and trusting in Him along the way.
And so, moving forward, I will be carrying the words that Horatio Spafford penned in one of my all time favorite hymns, “It Is Well With My Soul.”
When peace like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul
If this post got you thinking, consider reading more from my Intentional Living series.
