intentional living Archives - Arrow Hill Cottage

Word of the year + setting my goals

Happy New Year everyone! Like most people, I have welcomed 2021 with open arms. I’m ready to leave all the craziness of the past year, and move on.

Today I want to share with you the goals that I have for this new year, and the word that will be my guide along the way.

Why a word of the year?

It is a long held tradition for people to set goals at the beginning of a new year. With three hundred and sixty five days ahead, starting anew is a natural inclination.

While I used to set specific and measurable new year goals, I found myself getting frustrated the minute things started to head off course. My ‘all or nothing’ perfectionist personality held me captive to the specifics of the goals. This made me to give up when things got tough. For example, if a goal was set to exercise every day, once a single day was missed I would stop exercising altogether, and consider that goal a failure. Most years, I would find myself a couple months into the new year feeling defeated.

Then, a few years ago, a friend mentioned that she chose a word for the year, instead of setting specific goals. I had never heard of the concept, but the idea that a single word could help me refocus throughout the year caught my attention. Doing a bit of research, I decided to adopt the practice as well.

My word of the year

Last year my word was ‘clear’. Little did I know, going into 2020, how appropriate that simple word would be. A cleared out calendar definitely gives a person a clear mind! Moving into the new year, I had time to really think about which word could help guide me in 2021.

The word I have chosen for this year is Progress. More specifically, ‘progress over perfection.’

Many times, when I attempt to make progress with something in my life, I get hung up on trying to do things perfectly. As I mentioned, even new year goals tend to be that way for me!

Progress. The word encourages me to put one foot in front of the other, without knowing necessarily where the path might lead me. It allows me to be more gentle on myself, knowing that perfection doesn’t need to be met in order for a goal to be satisfied. I feel ready for progress.

Setting Goals for the New Year

My goals are a bit vague, with the understanding that they are all encompassed under the word progress. Each little step in the direction of these more broad categories can be considered a win to me.

Documentation of house building + projects

First, I have plans to go back to the footage that was taken during the building of our house. Though we did film much of the process, life was much too hectic at the time to put together polished videos or blog posts. However, I truly want to be able to document that exciting chapter of our lives.

And so, going back to formally document what happened is considered progress in my eyes.

Our home hasn’t changed much since I gave the new build tour. Moving forward, I see us taking our blank slate cottage and adding a lot of personal touches. I have many ideas for ways to get this place feeling more homey. Accent walls, painting projects, and furniture refinishing are all in our future.

My inclination is to wait until each room is perfectly finished and polished before sharing. However, it could be years before rooms in the cottage might be considered finished. I have found that, personally, I enjoy following along with people who share the changes to their homes as they make them. This raw and real approach to documenting will be a stretch for my personality, but one that I hope to make progress with.

Health + well being

Many people set new year goals for themselves is in the area of health and well being. For me, I hope to make progress in learning how to grow and prepare healthy food options.

Last summer, I used the extra homebound time to plant my very first garden. I genuinely enjoyed the process far more than I had anticipated. Although we made mistakes and the gardening system was far from perfect, there was success – which prompts me to take the garden a step further this year. Progress in gardening this year will give me encouragement to keep fine tuning the techniques until I find a system that works best for me.

In turn, using fresh homegrown produce, I plan to create healthy meals for my family.

I plan to share all the gardening journey as well as healthy recipes right here on the blog, so be sure to check in often!

Personal Passions

I have mentioned before that my college degree is in the field of architecture. While I did work in an office setting for a few years, once our oldest son was born I became a full time stay at home mom. That was fourteen years ago. During my time at home, I remained involved with various architectural firms, on a project by project basis. I have found, based on the different types of projects I have worked on, that my true passions lie with residential design. More specifically, I enjoy designing small and simple homes.

When I started this blog, it was a way for me to share the process of how an idea can be turned into reality. It has truly been one of the greatest blessings of my life to have been able to design and build a home for our family. There have been several people who have reached out to me, since the completion of our cottage, asking for custom home design services.

While I don’t see myself taking on custom design projects, I would like to feature more design content here on the blog. That will probably look like a series of blog posts and videos dedicated to home design ideas. I would love to offer home plan sketches featuring simple home design concepts.

Though I’m not fully sure yet how to make this goal a reality, I want to jump in. I might try a few different approaches to determine which resonates best with my followers. This is one aspect of 2021 that I am quite excited about!

Choose a Word of the Year for yourself

Do you like the idea of choosing a word guide to steer you in a positive direction this new year? Not sure how to come up with one?

The goal chaser website has an entire list of over 100 word of the year options – which is a great resource!

If you don’t feel like searching through an entire list, check out this quiz by Dayspring. It will walk you through a series of reflective questions, geared at fine tuning which word of the year is right for you!

Watch me explain my New Years goals + word

I hope that you will join me this year, as I seek progress over perfection. If you decide to choose a word this year, instead of making specific goals, I would love to hear about it in the comments below!

Thoughts on contentment

It is almost impossible to be genuinely grateful for anything, when you compare to others. Today I am going to share with you my thoughts on contentment, and why it is a topic that is currently on my mind.

As I write this now – the stuffy, sticky, hotness of a mid-July afternoon surrounds me. I sit in a house that was built pre-central air conditioning, and long for the ability to flip a switch and make things more comfortable for myself. We have lived here for nearly five years. Five years in a house that I am quick to point out is ‘just a rental.’ Five years in a house that hasn’t ever truly felt like home.

And I will admit, as time has gone on it has become clear that the level of content with our living arrangements has been steadily decreasing. Not only for myself, but for the entire family. Lately, I’ve been asking myself ‘why.’

BEING CONTENT WHILE LOOKING AHEAD

When we first moved into this house, everyone was beyond excited. We had just sold the home we owned – in part, to fund the adoption of our youngest daughter, ‘M.’ Preparing for her arrival, we nested here. Painting walls, fixing sinks, and choosing bed linens. We were looking forward to a happy little future, and our present living condition didn’t seem all that bad. So what has changed? It’s still the same house.

Part of me feels like this mind shift has a lot to do with the ‘new house’ being just beyond the horizon. We are seeing something shiny, and we want to get to it as soon as possible. Our entire family is constantly daydreaming about what is to come. “In the new house we are going to (fill in the blank).” “I can’t wait until we have (fill in the blank) at the new house.”

And although looking ahead is a fun to do, it can also be a bit defeating. Surely, you have heard the phrase:

“Stop missing out on the present because you are focused on the future.”

So, is that it? Is contentment simply being happy with where you are? Never longing for an upgrade, a steadier state or a better future for yourself and your family? No, I don’t think so.

While that is a nice sentiment, I believe it is simply an impossible goal. Because even in the present, there are those people with the last name Jones. And we have an inherent desire to keep up with them.

CONTENTMENT WHILE COMPARING

I recently shared this article from Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist on my Facebook page. Doing so opened up what I feel was a healthy dialoge about what we choose to bring into our lives, and how it affects contentment.

I definitely encourage you to read the piece for yourself, but the cliff note – take away question is simple. What would this world be like if, instead of being embarrassed by the things we own – those things that don’t stack up to what society tells us we need – we were instead embarrassed by how worldly that view really is?

When I linked to the article in my Facebook post, I also made a simple confession. That I too have been the victim of embarrassment by comparison. Most specifically in regards to our old blue mini van. You see, this van has been with us since before we had children. It still runs quite smoothly, but the body is – how do you say – in disrepair. There are times when I pull into a packed parking lot and scan the rows, noticing all too easily that the vehicle I am driving is the odd duck out.

The responses to my confession post were a mixed bag. Half of the people were comforting – letting me know that they too had old vehicles, with many miles, and rust. Solidarity sister! The other half were a tad defensive, and quick to point out why they owned newer vehicles. For safety, reliability, or other reasons.

Everyone experiences jealousy…

Whichever side of the fence that people were on, I think it’s fair to say that everyone who responded to my post has had a similar feeling of jealousy. This day in age it is almost impossible not to play the comparison game. Keeping up with the Joneses has never been so difficult.

Mr. Becker would say, about my van scenario – that instead of being embarrassed about the van itself, be embarrassed at how often the luxury of having a vehicle is taken for granted. That mindset can really turn the tables on the feeling of jealousy, can’t it?

We live in a majorly privileged society. The salary of most Americans would put them in the top 1% of the world’s earners. Compared to the lives of people in other countries, we Americans are down right rich when it comes to worldly goods.

This brought about another question. Should those who have plenty be more content than those with little?

THE ATTITUDE OF CONTENTMENT

As you know, I have somewhat recently begun to embrace the minimalist tendencies I have had my entire life. Not because I think that living with less makes me a better person, or more content. But because, in having fewer things, there is an appreciation of each item unlike anything I have experienced before.

However, in no way is my family living an uncomfortable or deprived life. We have many luxuries that some can only dream of. Our dinner plates have always had a supply of healthy food. We are building a brand new, custom designed house for gosh sake. These circumstances though, could change in an instant.

Focus on the Family offers the definition of contentment that I, as a Christian, agree with most:

“Contentment is knowing God’s plan for your life, having a conviction to live it, and believing that His peace is greater than the world’s problems”

That’s it. Contentment is an attitude, not something that is searched for. If we spent our lives searching for contentment, we would never find it – in part because of comparison, and jealousy, and our human nature to always long for more/better.

In life, there will be good times and bad times. Days of plenty, and days of few. New cars, old cars. New homes, old homes. A full bank account and money worries. Sickness, health. It’s all a possibility. In order to truly be content, we need to harbor an attitude and belief that we are walking the path we are meant to walk, and trusting in Him along the way.

And so, moving forward, I will be carrying the words that Horatio Spafford penned in one of my all time favorite hymns, “It Is Well With My Soul.”

When peace like a river, attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul

If this post got you thinking, consider reading more from my Intentional Living series.

SCREEN FREE FAMILY DAY | DAY IN THE LIFE

As part of our journey to simplify life, my husband and I have been trying very hard to be intentional about the time we spend with our family. In this post, I share how we have been implementing screen free family day as part of our transition to a more peaceful household.

At the beginning of the year, we had the idea to dedicate one day each month as intentional family time. In order to be fully present, we also decided that we would be turning off all screens for that day. This includes watching television, visiting social media channels, or checking our phones.

Now that we have successfully completed screen free family day three months in a row, I want to share with you the insights that we have noticed.

OUR FAMILY DYNAMIC

First, if you are new here, a little background on our family. We would be considered a large family by today’s standard, with five children. Our oldest son is 12, and our youngest, a daughter, is 5. All of our children are exposed to technology on a regular basis, and have been taught to use it safely.

We have been careful to teach them that technology should be used as a tool and not a crutch. They also have been told that though it can be enjoyable, it is also an easy thing to abuse and consume too much of. As such, we are careful to monitor their activity and limit their time in front of screens. By doing so, we hope to help them become responsible technology users.

WHY SCREEN FREE?

Craig and I had begun to notice that we were being more and more lenient with screen time, and found some negative side effects. Our youngest son, for example, was beginning to exhibit poor behavior and attitude. Our girls would argue about which tv show to watch together. We felt these changes were directly related to the amount of time spent in front of the screen.

Knowing that it was our job, as their parents, to do some redirecting – we had an idea. We would start a screen free family day. Our first goal for this is to have a screen free day once per month. Ultimately, it would be wonderful to have one day per week as a reset day.

INCORPORATING A SCREEN FREE FAMILY DAY

When we first brought up the idea to the kids, they were skeptical. They saw it as a punishment instead of something that could be beneficial. But once we insisted that the entire family would be involved, including us as parents, they were excited.

As a family, we sat down and wrote out ideas of things to do together. We decided that family day, though different each time, would include the following categories:

CHORE

Knowing the value of hard work, we wanted to incorporate a chore that we could all do together. We try to find a chore that will benefit us as a family. On the list are ideas such as raking leaves, chopping firewood, deep cleaning a room inside, and planting a garden.

MEAL PREPARATION

Our kids all enjoy spending time in the kitchen. I will admit though, that at times when they ask to help I turn them down. Mainly, I justify that cooking the meals will be faster and less of a hassle if I do it on my own. However, as part of screen free family day, we are opening up the kitchen and getting everyone involved. We have been rotating through the kids, asking them for meal suggestions each month.

We have seen some interesting suggestions already, such as a chili hamburger meal.

DEVOTION

As a Christian family, we find that it is very important to stay in God’s word. We try to tailor our devotion to topics we are dealing with as a family. This is a great time for us to all discuss, and maybe resolve some pressing issues. We find that even our youngest children are capable expressing their feelings and emotions in a group setting.

QUIET TIME

On screen free family day, we make it a point to reserve a bit of time for the house to be still. This is a great opportunity to take a nap, write a letter to a friend, or read a book. I have really come to look forward to quiet time and the peace it brings. It feels wonderful to allow our brains to rest from any chaos or commotion we may be facing.

FUN ACTIVITY

Of all the categories, this has been the most fun for the kids to sink their teeth into. We have quite the list of activities they want us to do together. Hiking, water fights, bowling, playing at a park, and going out for ice cream are a few examples.

WHAT DOES A SCREEN FREE FAMILY DAY LOOK LIKE?

During a recent family day, we made a screen exception so that I could film with my camera. Take a glimpse at a ‘day in the life’ of our family on a screen free family day.

THINGS WE HAVE LEARNED SO FAR

Through our first three months of implementing screen free family day, we have learned so much. We are quickly finding out what works best for us, and what we need to avoid.

KIDS ARE HAPPIER IN OUR PRESENCE

We have definitely noticed that our kids enjoy the company of their parents. Of course, we have always known that, but the fact that they have our full attention, without distractions, has been really special.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE INVOLVED

We think it is very important to make sure everyone is involved in all aspects of family day. Though some of the kids may moan a bit about having to take out the garbage or help with a meal, we make sure that they participate. By making sure everyone is involved, we are instilling in our children that as a family we can work through the good times, as well as the bad. The easy, as well as the difficult. We are in this together.

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FANCY

Knowing that we can just lounge around in our PJ’s all day is just exciting for the kids as telling them we are going out for dinner. Sometimes the most simple moments are the cherished ones.

LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF SCHEDULING

Though it is good to have a general idea of how the day will play out, we are acknowledging that we also need to leave room for spontaneity. The element of ‘anything can happen’ is very exciting for kids. One of the best memories we have made so far during screen free family day was an impromptu sledding trip. The kids asked if we could go, and we had no reason to say no – so we did! It was a blast!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR A SCREEN FREE FAMILY DAY

Check out these additional blog posts for tips on how to effectively go screen free.

10 Screen Free Alternatives For Night Time Winding Down | the pragmatic parent

Getting Through The Day Screen Free | peaceful parents, confident kids

100+ Screen Free Activities For Teens | thinking kids

How To Unplug A Plugged In Kid | andrea’s notebook

PIN THESE IDEAS

I hope that this information has been helpful for you, especially if you are considering a screen free family day of your own. Pin these ideas for future reference!

INTENTIONAL FAMILY VALENTINE’S DAY IDEAS

This post discusses tips on how to create an intentional family Valentine’s Day, including the ideas we plan to implement for our own holiday, making it a simple time that we can connect as a family.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. And this year, we are looking at things a little differently. We are in the final days of completing a spend free month challenge. A challenge that has been wonderful, and difficult, all at the same time. We have learned a lot as a family, and grown in our abilities to be more intentional about our spending as well as our time.

And so, as we continue our commitment to simple and minimal living, I have thought a lot about what it might mean by way of holiday celebrations.

I can’t say that Valentine’s Day has always been one that we have most anticipated. Like most people, I believe, this time of year we are still a bit tired from all the hustle and bustle of back to back Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations. Sure, in the past, we have sent the token candy filled valentines to school friends. We have purchased a few fresh flowers. But that is about it. And I have to admit that even those simple acts have felt more like an obligation than anything else.

A MORE INTENTIONAL IDEA

This year though, we are looking at Valentine’s Day in a whole new light. While advertisers would have us believe that our kids won’t enjoy the day without a ton of sweets, or a giant stuffed teddy bear. And that our spouse will be upset without new jewelry and chocolates. We are challenging those notions. Instead, we are preparing for a holiday that has us connecting and enjoying each other’s company.

The following tips and ideas are what we plan to implement in order to make this a simple and intentional family Valentine’s Day.

INTENTIONAL FAMILY VALENTINE’S DAY

This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. See my full disclosure here

DECORATION IDEAS

Decorations have a way of setting the mood of a space. Kids especially enjoy the change of scenery and will pick up on the fact that something special is about to happen. There is definitely no need to go overboard in this department, however.

In fact, I would suggest that you don’t spend any money. Instead, look around your house to find items that might be useful. Red, pink, and white are the classic Valentine’s Day colors – but other accents can work great as well. You might be surprised at the things you find that work perfectly as decor!

I have a few large plastic apothecary jars that I have used for birthday parties in the past. Filling them with red ball ornaments from my Christmas decor stash really brought them to life! A red fabric pillow case was used to anchor the centerpiece to the table.

I also love to find holiday appropriate books to decorate with. You may have a few favorites around the home that you can pull out and use in a display. If not, I suggest visiting your local library. Ours had a wonderful selection of titles with beautiful covers.

Since we don’t have a fireplace in our rental home, the restored cabinet in our dining room served as a makeshift mantle. The books look so cheery sitting on top.

Just Because You’re Mine | Guess How Much I Love You | I Heart You

ACTIVITIES

Having a few fun activities on hand to do together as a family is a great idea. Think about the ages of your children when determining what is appropriate.

FOR YOUNGER KIDS

My two young daughters saw me decorating with books and immediately began asking if I would read them the stories. Of course, reading to children is a great activity to build imagination and vocabulary skills. The bonus is that by sitting down to read, you can get in some extra cuddles!

Other fun activities for younger kids may include blowing bubbles for them to run through, playing tic tac toe, or working on coloring pages together.

FOR OLDER KIDS

Older children may enjoy something a bit more advanced, such as a craft project. Keep costs down by looking through your personal stash of supplies instead of running to the store. Lay all of the items out on the table and let your kid’s creativity run wild!

Most important of all, be sure to sit down with them while they create. Just having you there with them makes it that much more fun for kids. They will enjoy your company, and you are sure to have a lot of fun too!

Some children may be required to make Valentine’s Day boxes for school. This is another fun project that you can help with. Check out these creative box ideas:

Robot Valentine’s Day Box

Hungry Monster Valentine’s Box

Kitty Cat Valentine’s Box

If you really get into the groove, consider also helping the kids make handmade cards to gift their classmates. They are so much more fun than the standard store bought variety. Making them candy free would surely please the other parents as well. The following printable valentines are candy free and oh so cute:

I Spy | Seek + Find

Tic Tac Toe

Bookmark to Color

ACTIVITIES FOR THE FAMILY

There are many fun ways to enjoy activities together on an intentional family Valentine’s Day. If the weather is warm enough, plan a walk or a trip to the park. Volunteer to hold and care for animals at your local Humane Society, or work together to create a delicious four course meal!

FOOD IDEAS

They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’m convinced the sentiment also applies to children. Ours, at least, can’t resist a snack.

For Valentine’s Day, consider cutting food items with a heart shaped cookie cutter. Experiment with different foods. Toast, sandwiches, and even fruit can easily be given this fun shape. Dying foods with natural colors is also a fun idea.

I have found that another easy way to make a snack more special is to serve it in a different way. Try placing the simple snack on the ‘good china’ for example, or letting the kids drink from glass jars with straws. These fancy containers have a way of making the eating experience more fun.

These other fun Valentine’s Day snacks are healthy and interesting eats for kids:

Apple Slice ‘Doughnuts’

Pink Yogurt Parfait

Homemade Heart Tortilla Chips

If a sweet treat is what you’re after, consider making this yummy Valentine’s Day popcorn!

WORDS/ ACTS OF LOVE

Of course, the most important aspect of an intentional family Valentine’s Day is letting everyone know how much you love and care for them.

Offer up plenty of hugs and cuddles. Older children and spouses will appreciate finding small notes of love. Writing on cut out paper hearts adds a special touch and is sure to put a smile on the face of the receiver.

Sitting together as a family and discussing what you love about one another can also be a fun activity.

One of the best ways to show love is by giving your family your time. By simplifying the holiday so that it isn’t such a huge burden, you are allowing yourself more freedom to be fully present.

OTHER INTENTIONAL VALENTINE’S DAY IDEAS

These blog posts have additional tips on how to create an intentional family Valentine’s Day. Be sure to check them out!

What is Valentine’s Day? | Life On Mercedes Drive

Valentine’s Day Made Special | Hydrangea Tree House

DIY Valentine’s Mugs | VanBoven Vintage Farmhouse Living

Creating a Valentine’s Day Everyone Will Remember | Faith + Family Farmhouse

8 Ways to Make Valentine’s Day Special For Your Spouse | Making it Home

DIY Valentine’s Gift Idea | Homemade on our Homestead

PIN THESE VALENTINE’S DAY IDEAS

If you are wanting to make the switch to an intentional family Valentine’s Day, be sure to pin these ideas!

BLOG GROWING PAINS

When you are learning something new, there are bound to be growing pains. My blog is going through some of those at the moment, as I discover what this world is all about.

There’s a whole lot to learn about when starting a website and blog. Analytics, Content creation, and the all important SEO. Yep, that’s right, SE… Okay – I still have no idea what I’m talking about. Basically it has to do with how people find my little corner of the web. The more people who visit my blog, the more possible it will be to grow.

To be honest, I have been a bit discouraged that I consistently write what I think is great content, and yet do not get many page views each month.

Knowledge is power, and I made the decision to sign up for a course on some of the more technical aspects behind building a good website. It has been pretty eye opening already and has proved that over the last year I have done quite a bit right. On the other hand, I am also now more aware of the mistakes I have made and why people haven’t visited my blog.

The good news is that by reversing some of those mistakes, I can send things in a positive direction. The bad news is that the reversal won’t be easy.

WHAT NEEDS CHANGING

Without getting all technical, I will just say that the basic framework of the website itself needs some re-working. The layout isn’t as user friendly as it could be.

In addition to that, a good number of my past posts will need to be edited so that they are more easily found.

It goes without saying that these changes will take time. Unfortunately, time is something that I tend to not have much of these days. Because of this, I will be scaling back the amount of new posts I put out each week.

I have consistently been able to add two new posts each week for the past year. Typically, on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Going forward until I get caught up, I will have a new goal of posting only once per week, on Thursdays.

CONTENT FOCUS

Our house build should begin in about 5-6 months. Though I have the basic floor plans finally nailed down, there are still a lot of details that need to be worked through. Interior finishes, furniture selections, kitchen cabinet layout, etc.

In order to be fully prepared for our build, I plan to develop mood boards for each space. My posts will be reflective of this part of the design process. While this will be super helpful for us to look back on as the house is being built, I am also hopeful it will be useful for others. When possible, I will try to list our material and product sources.

The posts will also document the house construction while that is happening. It should be good insight for those of my readers who are considering their own new home build.

GOING FORWARD

This blogging course has challenged me to take a closer look at my overall goals. Where it was initially started to share our design process, it has slowly been evolving into more of an overall design blog.

I’ve written about design trends, residential architecture home styles, and building tips. I have even shared some of the design work I have done for clients.

Writing a general home design blog has been fun! Once Arrow Hill Cottage is actually built though, a whole world of possibilities will open up. I will have an entire home to decorate and learn how to manage. There will be closets that need organizing and floors that need cleaning. I would love to learn to garden! And develop healthy recipes for my large family!

That being said, I foresee my blog focus turning more toward the subject of Simple Home + Simple Living.

I am super excited about this decision and, with this focus in mind, I will be making my website changes. The title bar will likely get a sprucing up, as might the logo and branding. Just be aware that my end goal is in mind!

There you go friends, that’s my update for today. Tune in next Thursday for the first of my newly focused posts to go live! Once again, thank you for your support and encouragement on this journey!

THOUGHTS ON REST

The past few weeks have been a rough go for our family. First, my uncle passed away suddenly at the age of 59. We gathered for his funeral to celebrate the life of a man who loved people and music, and tearfully said our goodbyes. Only a few days later, my cousin had an unexpected medical emergency that eventually required a liver transplant.

And, just this past Saturday, our own little {L} was in a freak accident that slashed one of his tendons and broke his pinky finger. After an ER visit and a night in the hospital, he is now the proud owner of a purple cast and is expected to make a full recovery.

Scary stuff – Life changing events

I display many ‘type -A’ personality characteristics. I’m a perfectionist who likes to accomplish tasks and keep busy, a hard worker who sees things through. I’ll be the first to admit, though, that I am not good about taking time to rest.

I will make to-do lists and check the items off as I go. Subconsciously, I think to myself ‘once the to-do list is finished, I will rest.’

But then another item comes up that needs to be added, and then another. The list is seemingly unending, and, while I am generally good at multi-tasking, there inevitably comes a point when it all builds up and becomes too much. I call those moments ‘spinning’ – when there is so much to be done and coordinated, that I bounce from one task to the next, without making any real progress on anything. My brain simply can’t catch up.

If a thought bubble was visible above my head during a ‘spinning’ moment, you would probably see a throbber.

Just like a computer, my ‘spinning’ is an indication that I need a good re-start or refresh. The events of these past weeks have made this go-getter realize something very important.

Rest is needed, even when you’re not overwhelmed

Life is precious, and finite. It can change course in a matter of seconds. It shouldn’t take an overload to make a person slow down and reset. We tend to find time for all sorts of things: work, exercise, eating, even social media – yet forget to rest. In reality, rest is something that should be worked into the everyday, so that life can be enjoyed, not endured.

Sure, with five young kids it isn’t like I can trade in all of my responsibilities for relaxation, but I can make an effort to truly rest a bit each day. To take a step back and smell the crisp Fall air, read a good book, or snuggle with my kids and my husband.

If you’re like me and need to make a conscious effort to rest, I encourage you to take on this daily approach with me. I’m convinced that only good can come of it.

THOUGHTS ON ENOUGH

I mentioned in a previous post that I have been reading the book ‘Enough‘ by Will Davis Jr. The author explores what it means to have more, or less than, enough – and how our perspective on this is shaped by our lives and what we deem as valuable. It is quite eye opening.

If someone asked me if my own family has more or less than enough, I can say with complete certainty that we have definitely been blessed with MORE than we need.

**What though, is ENOUGH? Just right? No more than necessary?**

That seems to be the more difficult question to answer. There seems to be two ends to the ‘enough’ spectrum:

One is the idea of stark/ extreme minimalism. The thought that you should clear out all of your belongings, save a few items of clothing and basic household necessities. An extreme minimalist’s home is clean and sleek – and can sometimes be seen by those who aren’t following the principles, as cold, stoic and depressing.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is something resembling the show Hoarders. The thought that everything is important and special – people who cling onto earthly goods so tightly, they find it difficult to throw even a small piece of trash away.

That isn’t to say that people have to fall in one camp or the other. In fact, There are minimalists who have very comfortable homes, and avid collectors who don’t become hoarders. I would venture to say that the majority of the American population falls somewhere between these poles. But where? And why?

I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit, and have come to my own personal conclusion that it has to do with the amount of rules and regulations we put on ourselves.

Both extremes have a tight set of rules. The minimalist has strict about what can be kept (very little), and the hoarder- rules about what can be thrown (basically, nothing).

The rest of us though?

It seems to me that most of us just go on in life, with little to no rules about ‘stuff’. Simply put, we just don’t think much about our accumulation, or disposal of it. And when we aren’t paying attention, items slowly begin to creep in.

We pick up the freebies, the items that are on clearance because they are ‘such a good deal’, and take hand me downs without hesitation. Suddenly our Tupperware drawers are overflowing and we have duplicates of things, because we had forgotten we already had one, and then brought home another.

Psychologists have long studied the relationship between humans and our possessions. It is becoming more apparent, especially in modern day America, that consumerism is a sort of mask that covers up other emotions – a way to fill a void that we may have.

In short, many of us have tied our sense of belonging to our BELONGINGS… without even realizing it.

So, perhaps it is up to each of us and our own families to determine the rules and parameters we want to follow regarding what to keep and what to pass up – to decide what is ‘enough’. Rules that can help us to be mindful of every item that enters and exits our home.

Rules though, that are not made just for the sake of making them – but are instead pointed directly to the WHY

I should get rid of this item –

WHY?

Because my family means MORE to me than these THINGS that are surrounding me.

WHY?

Because when I have fewer things, I appreciate those I do have even more.

I should keep this item –

WHY?

Because this item enriches the lives of my family.

WHY?
Because this item holds valuable, irreplaceable memories.

We’ve begun the process of determining our own family rules regarding ‘things’ recently.

Besides the project bucket list I have been tackling this summer, I have had a bit of a side gig going. De-cluttering. It’s an ongoing battle, especially in a house with five kids; But I really wanted to dig deeper into the ‘stuff’ and really think about the items we choose to keep around.

I have mentioned before that when we move into Arrow Hill Cottage, hopefully one year from now, we plan to only bring with us the items that are truly useful or bring us joy. In an effort to get a head start on making those decisions, we cleaned out one of the large hall closets in our rental house and deemed it the ‘sell room’. Items that do not have a place in our new home will be stored here, and sold at a large garage sale the end of next summer – before we make the big move.

I figured that we would have enough things to eventually fill this room, but had no idea that in just a couple of months – after only sorting through toys, clothes and a few household items, that it would be as packed as it already is! I will show you a picture of the room, but you need to promise not to gasp.

These are things that we don’t need – don’t wear, don’t read, don’t play with, don’t use. So. much. more than enough.

With every item that is added to this space, I am finding myself conflicted with emotions. On one hand, it feels freeing to cut out the extras – and on the other, I feel guilt that we have been living with this much excess for as long as we have.

This process of deciding what truly is ‘enough’ will be a journey for our family – but one we are excited to take.

What is your ‘enough’?

THOUGHTS ON PERSPECTIVE

I began this week feeling out of sorts

The weather was yucky, the kids had cabin fever (as did the parents for that matter), and I was working feverishly on getting the plan set for Arrow Hill Cottage fine tuned and ready to submit to local contractors for bids. Just all around a stressful time.

I love designing houses – with an absolute PASSION. And to be able to design a home for my family has been very special; But the stress of knowing that it will ultimately be our pocketbook that will be paying for this design? That has taken a bit of the excitement away. This is real life, and we are just average people who need to work within a realistic and manageable budget. Essentially, every decision that I make while fine-tuning the design of the cottage has to be filtered through the bottom line of what it will cost.

And, this week, the filter took away some of the design elements I was really looking forward to implementing

I have been working on these rooms for months now – first as lines on paper, and eventually through 3D visualization. I have written about how 3D modeling can give you a fresh perspective on a space; And this week, I got a new perspective on LIFE as well.

This same week has brought severe darkness to a couple of my friends whom I know through the adoption community.

One, a mother of ten, whose husband has been diagnosed with terminal stage 4 brain cancer, with an estimated 6-18 months to live. Another whose sweet six year old daughter is on life support with a grim prognosis- her little body fighting.

And through it all, both of these ladies have remained SO very faithful to God. Singing His praises and relying on Him for peace, comfort, and guidance. I have so much to learn from them.

While I was fretting about how many windows the living room in my brand new home might have, what type of beautiful flooring I might choose, or which contractor is most qualified to get the job done – these women are wondering how much longer they will have their loved one here on Earth.

This thought hit me like a punch to the gut. Perspective.

Life is always changing and there is no person who can plan their life into perfection. Each of us is dealt circumstances that stretch and shape us. We experience unexpected happy moments and find that some dreams will never be realized. And through it all, we take each day as they come – one at a time.

This process of designing, and eventually building our family home is a blessing. Truly, it is a dream that we have been chasing for many years. But even this we need to take one day at a time. There will be days that will be more difficult than others, and I want to be mindful always to remember that this process is something we have wished for.

I wish to remain grateful in this journey.

THOUGHTS ON BUILDING

Today is ‘National Walk Out Of School Day‘. It is an event that is part protest and part memorial – a way to acknowledge and mourn the loss of the 17 victims killed in the most recent, though sadly no longer uncommon, mass school shooting.

As you might imagine, this post is not at all about the building of our new house, but something altogether entirely different.

The building of our children

When I was a junior in high school, I remember filling out the job quality worksheet for the counselor. It was used as a way to direct the students who weren’t sure what path they would be taking after high school – College? Working in a trade? What industry? I’m sure there were plenty of my classmates who found the results of this worksheet useful, but I didn’t need any direction. I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to be. An architect.

I wanted to design buildings and watch them be built

And I did just that. I studied diligently for five years and received a Bachelor of Architecture degree and a final GPA of 3.99. I dare say that I was near the top of my graduating class. I loved everything about architecture and was ready to start putting my education to practice. I easily landed a job in my desired community and set to work.

Two years later, I got pregnant

Craig and I had agreed that when our first child arrived, I would become a stay at home mom. I remember how nervous I was to tell my boss. By all accounts, I was on track to reach my ultimate goal of becoming an architect – and suddenly, that plan was being derailed. Regret was filling my mind. Am I throwing away my career? What will my colleagues think about this decision? Is being a stay at home parent really important?

The months leading up to the birth of {D} were full of mixed emotions; And the day we left the hospital with him snuggled in the car-seat next to me – I sobbed. My life had done a literal 180.

Over the course of the next 11 years, we added 4 more bundles of love to our family – both through birth and the beauty of adoption. I found a good balance of being able to meet our children’s needs and to feed my passion for design – working from home for various architecture firms, on a very part time basis.

Here, 11 years later – I can reflect on that major decision

Was it worth it? I would say absolutely. I didn’t realize it then, but I was making a shift from the building of structures to the building of my children.

Children need parents to guide them, shape them, teach them right from wrong. They need someone there to pick them up if they fall, to catch the warning signs of depression or violent behavior. To provide them with a moral compass.

Sadly, I feel that too many children today are thrown into the waters of life and told to swim on their own – to find their own way in the dark. Parents are busy with their careers and in many cases are working hard to provide their children with every opportunity – Sport instruction, music lessons, the newest video game. In reality, what children need is time with their parents. Presence over presents.

What has been happening in schools is tragic. It’s political. It’s senseless. I don’t plan on getting into any sort of debate on the topic except for this one statement I think we can all agree on: It shouldn’t be this way.

Each time one of these heinous crimes is committed, we sit and wait for the media to report what we know will surely be the case – these are people, kids, whose warning signs were missed. They were troubled and ignored. Their emotional and mental needs were not met.

In response to today’s walk out – there is an additional movement.

WALK UP

Walk up to someone who is considered an outcast and let them know they have a friend. Walk up to the person sitting alone and start a conversation. Walk up to the person you have been arguing with and agree to resolve your differences. Walk up – and as a society we can wake up. We are all in this together.

Walk up to your children and hug them. Tell them you love them. Encourage your children. Speak life to them. Give them the building blocks to become a productive member of community. It all starts at home.

I understand that being a stay at home parent isn’t a path that is necessarily available (or desirable) for everyone; But personally, I will forever be grateful that it is the direction our family chose. And even though I may not be designing award winning structures, I feel that my contributions are equally important.

Long after the sky scrapers and monuments crumble and decay, humanity will continue on. It is built of stronger things.